Growing up, I always took pride in operating like a robot. Emotions felt unnecessary and quite frankly, a waste of time. 2023 changed that. It stripped me down to my most vulnerable self. Beneath that pretentious, seemingly unaffected 'robot' was a scared child. It all made sense then. My aversion to emotion was in fact a cowardly act and not a reflection of who I truly was. It was easier to deal with the lack of affection than to face the pain of abandonment. Interesting how I always chose the easier path when I sternly believed in the value of hard choices. I never noticed this before. It was a blind spot. I had to find out if there were more.
I was out on a journey to discover myself. However, unlike the previous years, this year, I made it a point to do things differently. And what better way to do things differently than making the hard choice of being emotionally vulnerable? This choice meant the acceptance of a third person's point of view. The acceptance of the fact that I was not enough on my own and never will be. I will always need the help of others to uncover those blind spots. Does that make me a weak person? No. It's just that it takes the help and goodwill of people who care about me to bring out my real strength. That's how I know I found the right people, that I made the right choice.
Thank you, 2023, for helping me start my journey. Goodbyes are always tough but I promise you, you'll always be in my heart. Yes, this is the robot telling you that. To the time we spent together and grew together, cheers to that! It's time to welcome someone else into my life. : )
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